


New Beginnings

by Hitsutake



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2018-12-21 11:07:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11942871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hitsutake/pseuds/Hitsutake
Summary: I couldn't help the feeling of relief that surged through my body. Just because he was leaving ANBU didn't mean he was leaving me. And that was the most important thing for me to remember.





	1. Chapter 1

Standing at the foot of the doorway, it took me no time at all to find him leaning against a nearby tree, reading one of those books he always has with him. I try my best to put one foot in front of the other as I make my way towards him. His gaze never leaves his book as I slide down the trunk of the tree to sit beside him. I look up at his face and he utters his signature "mmm."

"Hey Senpai, don't you ever get tired of reading the same thing over and over?" I ask.

He snaps the book closed and puts it back into his pocket before I even realize it isn't in his hands anymore. "Maa, you only say that because you've never read them before, Tenzou," Senpai smirks at me, clearly amused by my discomfort.

"Somehow, I doubt my reading them would change my opinion," I smile. "I hope I didn't keep you waiting long?" I ask, staring up at him, the light bouncing off the leaves and twinkling around his face. It's as if every time I look at him, I'm seeing him for the first time. He looks off into the distance, his eyes searching for something, before he answers me.

"Not long," he replies, his gaze still fixated on the Academy in front of us.

I could feel a slight breeze, his hair ruffling in the wind as it blew past us. I couldn't help but stare, my breath betraying me as it got caught in my throat. Kakashi-Senpai looked down at me quizzically, eyebrow raised. "Say, Tenzou, why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer," he smirks at me. My face blushes beet red. I was too embarrassed to look away. If I look away he wins.

I could hear him chuckle as he pushed off the tree to return his stance to normal. He studies my face for what feels like an eternity before finally speaking. "Do you remember what today is?" he whispers, his eyes suddenly turning a shade darker.

My heartbeat picks up as I realize what he's talking about. Today is the day he retires from ANBU. I stare at the dirt beneath my feet. I can't bring myself to face him. I owe my life to this man. If it weren't for him I would still be under Danzo's control. Carrying out his every order without any hesitation. I can't help but flash back to that day I received the orders to kill him.

" _Oi, wake up Kinoe! Can you really obey an order to kill a friend?!" Kakashi yells at me._

" _You're one to talk. You're the one who killed a friend!" I yell, my Mokkuton exploding from the ground._

" _Stop this Kinoe! Abandon this mission!" Kakashi pleads as our kunai clash._

" _A shinobi's mission is absolute!" I spit back at him._

" _A mission is not absolute! If those orders are to kill a friend then they're wrong!"_

Back then I couldn't remember anything but pain. I had no past. I had no future. I only thought of death. True, Danzo saved me that day. But as I look up at the grey-haired shinobi standing in front of me, I couldn't help but think that he's the real reason I am here today. He's saved me in more ways than one, and I can do nothing to squelch the tears forming in the corners of my eyes.

"Senpai," I breathe, tears falling down my cheeks, as I stand. I reach out my hand in front of him. "We had some good times together, didn't we?"

Kakashi looks down at my hand, back up to my eyes, and then back down again. He grasps it firmly in his. "We sure did," water beginning to form at his eyelids. He shakes his head, as if to shake away the pain, and drops my hand from his.

I smile at him, "I don't know what we're going to do without you, Senpai, but I suppose we'll manage somehow."

Kakashi's demeanor changes, "I have no doubt you'll all be just fine," he smiles back at me. I would take a kunai to the chest before I ever admitted to anyone how that smile affects me. We stand there in comfortable silence until Kakashi-Senpai waves for me to follow and starts to walk back towards the center of town. I follow after him, my steps falling into place with his.

"Senpai, maybe I'm being too forward, but would it be alright if we spent the day together?" I try my best to sound cheerful. No matter how hard this will be for all of us, I truly believe this is what is best for him. He was starting to become an empty shell. There are only so many assassinations a person can do before you stop feeling altogether, and unfortunately, his time was quickly approaching.

Senpai's face goes blank for a split second before regaining its original expression, "I would like that, Tenzou."

I couldn't help the feeling of relief that surged through my body. Just because he was leaving ANBU didn't mean he was leaving me. And that was the most important thing for me to remember.

Kakashi-Senpai was a lot of things, as various nicknames would point out, but he wasn't the kind of person to drop you as a friend. And I know this, because even though he acts like he hates it when Guy-Sensei starts rambling on about their rivalry or rock-paper-scissors, I can always see the slightest smirk form in the corner of his mouth. As if his pretending not to notice Guy's existence is one of the tests of their rivalry itself. And I can't help but laugh.

"Hmm? Something funny, Tenzou?" Senpai cocks his head to look at me.

I cough to cover it up. "Nothing at all, Senpai," I smile back at him.

Off in the distance, a shinobi screams about the youthfulness of life and green jumpsuits.


	2. Chapter 2

Two weeks have passed since that afternoon, and Kakashi-Senpai and I haven't spent much time together since then. He's been busy getting acquainted with a new position, and I've been just as busy as ever with my own missions.

The Hokage decided to put Kakashi in charge of genin, and while I understand the logic behind it, I can't help but worry about the repercussions if it doesn't help. The one thing that's most apparent about Kakashi is that his darkness is absolute.

I sigh as I pull the door to my apartment closed behind me. I set out trying to get some fresh air, desperately hoping it would clear my head, and I hardly even noticed that I was walking in his direction until I was already here.

I startle as I near the familiar chakra. It's as though my body instinctively gravitates towards him, and I shake my head at the thought that this has happened on more than one occasion.

I decide to let him be, and flit behind a nearby tree, fixing my gaze on the silver-haired shinobi.

He's visiting that grave again. Her grave. I can always find him here on particularly pallid days, almost as if it draws him here.

"Maa, well, seems I wasn't cut out for ANBU either, Rin," I overhear him say, "but, I suppose I knew it would turn out like this from the start."

My eyes follow him as he looks up and stares off in the direction of a different grave. I haven't figured out whose it is, he never seems to be able to go over to it, but I've always wondered why tha-

"Spying on me again, Tenzou?" Kakashi says suddenly without taking his gaze off the grave.

The thought hadn't even crossed my mind that if I could feel his chakra then he could also feel mine, and I internally face palm at the mistake.

"Oh you know, Senpai, just passing through," I say embarrassed, rubbing the back of my head.

"You don't have to hide," he says softly.

"I thought it best not to disturb you."

I walk over and look down at the grave in front of him. I have an overwhelming urge to reach out and comfort him, to let him know that he's not alone, he's not worthless, if he's hurting it's ok, it'll all be ok. But I decide it's not my place to say anything to him, and I opt for silence instead.

Kakashi looks up from the grave, studying my face. I try to smile, but it comes off forced and I know he can tell. He takes a deep breath and sighs, putting his hands in his pockets. I suspect that maybe it's to hide the trembling, but I can't be certain. Senpai's reasons for doing things aren't exactly cut and dry. Though I'm sure he did it hoping I wouldn't notice… but I always do.

"There's someone I want you to meet, Tenzou," he smiles.

My eyes grow wide as he continues, "This is Nohara, Rin. A very dear friend."

An overwhelming sadness washes over me. I try to speak, but my breathing hitches in my throat. I can do nothing but stand there as I try to control the racing heart inside my chest. I close my eyes.

Kakashi-Senpai looks up, and I can see the panic on his face, "Tenzou-"

"It's nice to meet you, Rin," I say with a shy smile, "this one here is a handful," I gesture over to Kakashi, "but don't you worry, I'm looking out for him," I say as I pat him on the back.

Kakashi's body goes rigid, and he looks at me with eyes I have never seen before. He parts his lips as if to say something, but all he manages to mutter is "…I'm sorry," before disappearing, and I instantly regret what I just said.

But I understand his reaction, because the darkness still lingers in his heart, and I realize that perhaps I shouldn't have said so much. And I will have to apologize to him for it later.

.

It's a slow walk back towards my house, my thoughts even heavier than they were before. Maybe this is a good chance to put some distance between us. I would hate to think that my getting too close would hinder him in any way. Sure, we're friends, and he'll always be my Senpai, but maybe I should stop over analyzing everything.

As I'm nearing my apartment, I can feel that familiar chakra once more, and I look up to see Kakashi leaning against the doorframe of my apartment. I can't help but notice something flutter in the pit of my stomach as my eyes lock his.

I quicken my pace. "Senpai?" I ask confused.

"Mmm," was all he managed.

"What are you doing here?"

"Just passing through," he smirks at me.

Touché.

"Something wrong, Tenzou?" Senpai chuckles, seeing my face betray me as it flushes bright red.

"Wha- no, I-" I stutter as I step back, the words getting caught in my throat.

What is it about this man that makes me so- oh I don't even have a word to describe it! I think as my hands reach up, violently rubbing my head, desperately trying to regain control over my own body.

Kakashi begins to laugh, and a cool hand finds it way to the top of my head, ruffling my hair. "What on earth are you doing, Tenzou?"

I look up to see his dark eyes staring back at me, his expression soft.

"I'm sorry about what I said earlier, Senpai. It wasn't my place, and I shouldn't have said it," I say as I try to shake his hand off my head.

"No. Don't be sorry..." he trails off, allowing his hand to fall back down beside him before continuing.

"…it made me happy," he smiles at me.

I can barely contain my happiness at his words, and I force myself to look away. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest, and "I'm glad," is all I could whisper before I'm suddenly being swept up into a whirlwind of emotions that I cannot seem to comprehend.

Kakashi pauses, as if at a loss for words, and then sighs. I watch as he moves to stand beside me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"It's been a long time since I've said that. Thank you," he breathes as he walks away.

I stand there watching until he disappears out of sight, and as I turn to unlock my door, I can't help but think that maybe it's already too late. Maybe I'm already in way too deep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to try something a little different with these next 2 chapters. They switch back and forth between Tenzou and Kakashi. The page breaks signal a change in POV. I hope you like it! Let me know if you don't like the POV change style writing.

“Your first mission is today, right?” Kakashi-senpai asks, his voice trailing off.

I look up at him from the bench I am sitting on. The ANBU locker room is anything but cozy. There are more smells in this room than I can even recognize, and the combination of blood, sweat, and piss is enough to make anyone’s skin crawl.

“…yea” I mutter, slipping one leg into my uniform.

“How do you like your new captain?” Senpai asks, raising one eyebrow.

“I don’t really know too much about him, but Hokage-Sama said he’s one of the best, so I trust him,” I say as I slip my mask into place.

“Maa… well I’m sure you’ll be fine with anyone,” Kakashi bites his lip on the last word.

My body goes rigid.

“Anyone?” I spit at him. “And what exactly do you mean by that?”

Kakashi-senpai jumps slightly, surprised by the sudden change in my tone. His eyes grow wide, searching for the right answer in my own, but nothing but black stares back at him. He uncrosses his arms and shifts uncomfortably from one foot to the other.

“I… I don’t know,” he whispers.

“I don’t have time for this, my mission is due to start within the hour, and I still have a lot to do, Senpai,” I pick up my bag off the ground, throw it over my shoulder, and head towards the exit.

“Hey- Tenzou, wait” Senpai reaches out a hand towards me.

“We can talk when I get back,” I say as I walk out the door making sure not to turn back.

I head towards the village gates, thoughts weighing heavy on my mind. Senpai’s face keeps flashes into view, and I can’t seem to shake it away.

“Oi! Tenzou! Over here!” Yugao waves at me.

I jog over to where she and the others are standing.

“Sorry, am I late?” I say, rubbing the back of my head.

“We’ve been waiting for over an hour!” Yoji shouts at me.

Yugao elbows him in the ribs, “Ow!”

“Don’t listen to him, we only just got here ourselves,” Yugao smiles.

“Oh, that’s a relief,” I chuckle, looking over to see Yoji still over-exaggerating the pain he felt from Yugao’s blow.

“The captain went up ahead to scout, we’ll catch up to him soon enough,” Yugao gestures to the forest ahead of us, “shall we?”

“Let’s go,” I nod, tightening the grip on my bag.

* * *

 

 “YOU. ALL. FAIL.” I say, smoke still dissipating from all around, as I peer down at the three students in front of me.

“What’s that? We failed!” the young boy shouts as he stomps his foot on the ground.

“But we did everything you told us to!!” the other two chime in.

I look at each of their faces, rage distracting them from understanding the point of their failure, and sigh. How is it, that after everything they’ve been taught, they still don’t get it?

“Maybe you three can find the answer back at the academy,” I smile menacingly, as I turn on my heels and walk away. The way they are now, even being sent back to the academy might not help. If they don’t learn to think for themselves then nothing else matters. They’re just robots. Programmed to follow orders and nothing more. And that’s exactly why they will never pass.

I head towards town, trying to clear my mind. What is the Hokage thinking putting me in charge of kids like these? What is he trying to accomplish? To think I got taken out of ANBU to babysit a bunch of-

“OI! Kakashi! Over here!” a green jump-suited shinobi waves from the dumpling shop.

I can feel myself jump ever so slightly at the sheer volume coming from him. Every. Damn. Day. It’s the same with him. Doesn’t he get tired of the same boring, old routine? I force myself to ignore him and keep walking. After the day I’ve had, he would most likely end up getting the short end of my temper.

“Hey… Kakashi!” Gai shouts, a little less enthusiastic than before.

“Gai, would you give it a rest already? He just failed his students,” Kurenai whispers.

“But…”

“Listen to her, Gai,” Asuma sighs.

“I-I guess you’re right,” Gai resigns himself, slumping down on the bench in front of him. Maybe he’ll try again tomorrow, is what he tells himself, as he takes another bite of his dumplings.

* * *

 

“Tenzou! Watch out!” Yugao shouts at me through a furry of flying Kunai.

“I see them!” I shout, clapping my hands together, “ _Mokuton_!”

Wood erupts from the forest surrounding us as I try to pin down one of the attackers. It’s only our first mission without Kakashi-senpai and we can already feel the weight of losing him. Losing his Sharringan.

“Yoji! Now!” I shout.

Yoji jumps down from the tree above me, landing on top of my Mokuton, heading straight towards the one on the ground. Gripping his kunai tightly, he lunges forward. One down.

“Yugao! Where are the others?” I yell up at the trees above me.

“There’s one about 500 meters west of here, and two more to the north.”

Yugao is part of the Aburrame clan. Her bugs can sense out enemies almost just as effectively as a Sharringan, and I’m thankful for that.

“Yoji, you head west, and Yugao and I will head for the other two!”

“Roger!” Yoji shouts, disappearing into the forest.

“Where the hell is the captain?!” I scream, furious.

“I don’t know. He should have been here by now!”

Yugao and I flit through the forest, her bugs guiding the way. As we are nearing an opening in the trees Yugao freezes.

“What? What is it?” I yell at her.  
  
“Ca-cap-” she stutters.

“Yugao!” I shake her furiously.

“Captain-” she lifts up a finger and points towards the opening.

I whip my head around and am horrified to see our captain, lying face down on the ground, kunai spread over every inch of his body. I jump down onto the ground and rush towards to him.

“Oi! Captain! Can you hear me?!”

“Tenzou! Wait!” Yugao shouts at me, but it’s too late.

Shiny Sand headbands line the forest, menacing laughter erupting from their lips.

“You can have him back,” one of the Sand shinobi laughs, “he wasn’t even worth our time.”

“Why you-!” Yugao shouts.

“Shh! We’re out numbered. Don’t rile them up any more,” I half whisper half shout at her.

“But-”

“When I say go, grab the captain and get out of here.”

“Are you insane? I’m not leaving you here alone.”

“I’ll distract them and you run. That’s an order,” I say firmly, "you know i'm the next in charge."

Yugao grabs me by the front of my shirt, “If you die out here, I’ll never forgive you.”

“You won’t be the only one,” I smile weakly, “now go!”

Yugao picks the captain up from off the ground, satisfied that he was still breathing, even if barely, and disappears into the trees.

“Aww, where’s she going? Too afraid to play with the boys?” one of the Sand shinobi mocks.

“Hey! Don’t let her get away!” another one shouts.

“If you want to get to her, you’ll have to go through me,” I threaten, clapping my hands together.

...I wonder why it is, that in a moment like this, the first thing that flashes through my mind is Kakashi-senpai.

* * *

 

I sigh to myself as I walk through the busy streets of the village, the lights casting a shadow over everything they touch. How cliché, it’s a fantastic metaphor for my life.

“My, my. Look what we have here,” a blonde girl smirks, her haughty tone reaching me from across the street. Her short skirt, high heels, and breasts that are nearly popping out of a shirt that is two sizes too small, draw my attention. I smirk, deciding to placate her and walk over.

“What brings you to this part of town, sweetie?” she smiles at me, “I haven’t seen your silver hair around here before.”

I rub the back of my head, “Well, wouldn’t you know, I seem to have quite a bit of free time on my hands right now.”

“Oh? Is that so?” she beams at me, “Well, why don’t we spend some of it back at your place?”

“Oh, I don’t know, I-“

She leans in closer, brushing her lips up against my ear. “You won’t regret it.”

I smile, holding my arm out so she can wrap hers around it. “It’s a bit of a walk, I hope you don’t mind.”

“Oh no, sweetie, I don’t mind at all,” she says, eyes glistening.

There’s a slight breeze in the air now. The shadows from the lights are slowly fading into the distance as we reach the less populated area of town. I have very few possessions, and am rarely ever home, so my living conditions are what you would call meager at best. But, I don’t suppose it really matters for someone like her.

As we step through the doorway, “Oh my...” is all she could say as she looks around my messy apartment.

I blush, “Maa, well, you know, with missions and all, it’s hard to find the time to properly clean…”

“Well, hopefully your bedroom is a bit more tidy?” she interrupts cheekily.

“It just so happens to be the cleanest room in the house,” I taunt, waving a finger at her, motioning for her to follow. “But soon, I think you’ll find that you’ve forgotten all about it,” I wink at her.

She blushes and follows me into the bedroom.

...I wonder why it is, that at a moment like this, the only thing i can't think about is Tenzou.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

I turn around and frantically sprint back into the trees. My Mokuton will only hold them for so long. If I’m being completely honest with myself I don’t have any chakra left to use, and I can't stop wondering if Yugao made it back safely with the captain.

“Tenzou!” I hear Yoji screaming from ahead of me.

“Yoji?! Why are you here?”

“Yugao ran into me on her way back and told me to come help you. Man, am I glad to see you’re alright,” he says, putting one hand on my shoulder.

“Come on. We don’t have much time. They’ll be behind us soon,” I say jumping forward to the next tree.

“Right,” he follows behind me.

“We’ll have to report back to Hokage-sama immediately,” I shout back at him.

"What happened over there?" he asks.

"I... I don't know. It felt like a trap."

"You think the mission specs were fakes?"

"Seems that way…," I trail off.

"If that's the case, we have to work fast to find out who's behind this before it gets anymore out of hand. Now all missions through the Sand will have to be strictly monitored..."

"Man... what a headache," I say irritated.

A few hours pass, and just as I’m nearing my limit, I can see the village poke out from behind the trees just ahead.

“Alright! We made it back!” Yoji shouts.

“Thank goodness…” I whisper, relief washing over me.

“Oi! Guys!” Yugao waves as she appears from within the gates. “Thank god you’re both safe.”

“How’s the Captain?” I ask.

Yugao looks away, “They said he wouldn’t be out of the woods for a while…”

“I see,” I say as I look down at the ground, "I'm sorry everyone."

“It’s not your fault, you know that right, Tenzou?” Yugao says reassuringly, placing her hands on my shoulders.

“You know that doesn’t matter Yugao…” Yoji says defeated.

“Well it should!” She shouts at him.

“Hey, hey, don’t fight,” I smile half-heartedly, “we should go report in, okay?”

“I already spoke with Hokage-sama at the hospital. He said to get some rest and come first thing in the morning,” Yugao smiles back.

“What? Seriously?” Yoji throws his hands into the air, “see you tomorrow then!” he shouts as he runs off.

“Hey! Don't be late Yoji!” I yell.

“Yea yea!”

“You should go home too, Yugao” I say.

“You're right,” she nods, "see you tomorrow," she waves as she heads off in the opposite direction.

This mission has been way more than any of us anticipated, and I can't help but feel uneasy trying to piece it all together. I head back towards my part of town, my feet dragging along the way. I wonder if I even have the strength to make it back to my house.

But as I keep walking, nearing that familiar building, I realize I've been walking towards his house the entire time, even without realizing it.

* * *

 

  
KNOCK KNOCK

“Hey, sweetie, want me to get that?” she shouts from the living room.

“Would you mind?” I yell back from the shower.  
She walks over to the door and swings it open. Dark eyes meet her gaze.

“What can I do for you?” she smiles.

The brown-haired boy stares, silence overwhelming him as he takes in the disheveled appearance of the girl in front of him.

“Are you ok, hun?” she asks, concerned, “look at you, you’re a mess!”

“Uhh, n-no, tha-that’s ok. I’ll just come back-“

“Who’s at the door?” I ask, emerging from the bathroom, one hand placed firmly on the towel around my waist. I run my other hand through my hair, shaking to get the last remaining drops of water to disappear.

I look up, my eyes grow wide, “Tenzou… what are you-”

“I-I’m sorry! I know it’s late! I shouldn’t have barged over like this unannounced!”  
Tenzou stammers, waving his hands in front of him, “I’ll just see you later, Senpai!” he shouts, turning to run back down the hallway.

“Oi! Tenzou, wait!” I shout, but it’s too late. He’s already gone. I can do nothing but stand there with my jaw on the ground. Wasn't he supposed to be on a mission? Why is he back already?

“Do you know that kid?” she asks, shutting the door.

“Do you mind letting yourself out?” I spit nervously, walking back towards the bedroom. I lock the door behind me, hearing nothing but “sure thing” in response as the room starts to spin.

I lean against the door, sliding down until I reach the floor, and cradle my head in my hands. I grimace at the thought of what tomorrow will bring, and I find myself praying to whatever god I could think of that it would never come.

* * *

 

As I reach my house on the other side of town, I feel the tears start welling up. I unlock my door and shut myself inside. What just happened? Who was that...woman?

Oh. That's right. I suppose that's pretty normal. Kakashi-senpai is a guy after all. It would make less sense if that didn't happen.

I just never thought i'd see it...

Both my emotions and physical exhaustion from the mission begin to overwhelm me, and I slide down the door onto the ground. I cradle my head in my hands as I drift off to sleep, praying to whatever god I can think of that my dreams won’t haunt me tonight.


	5. Chapter 5

I never understood what it meant to love somebody until that night. Or more correctly, what it felt like to see that person with somebody else. It felt as if my heart was ripped out of my chest and lit on fire all the while he stood there and laughed as I writhed in agony on the floor.

To be quite honest i've completely lost track of how long its been, all I know is the weather is colder now; winter is well underway with snow falling down on the ground all around me. I look up into the dreary sky and wonder if this is some sick metaphor for my life. The thing is, no matter how hard I try I just can’t shake the thought of them out of my head. I thought that if I distanced myself from him then I would also distance myself from the pain, but I can see now that that was all just wishful thinking.

“Tenzou!”

I jump at any chance to go on a mission, to get out of the village, because at least that way I know I won’t run into him anywhere. I know it’s not exactly the best way to deal with it, and I’m certainly not being fair to him. It’s not like he even knows why I’m avoiding him, but I think that’s what hurts the most; he’ll never know.

“Tenzou!”

I’ve tried talking myself into going back over to his place, into talking to him, into seeing him again, but every time I come to the same conclusion that no matter what happens I’ll never be able to be with him in _that_ way, so I don’t go. The way things are now-

“TENZOU!”

A kunai whirls through the air, nicking the side of my cheek. I snap back into reality.

“Shit! Sorry, Yugao,” I say, wiping the blood from my face.

“What the fuck are you doing daydreaming at a time like this?!” she shouts at me.

“I’m sorry!” I say as we jump up into the trees and dart away.

When we finally reach a place far enough, Yugao turns on her heels to face me.

“That’s it, Tenzou! I’m not going on one more goddamn mission with you until you work out whatever the hell is going on in your head!” she says with her hands on her hips while stomping her foot on the ground.

I hang my head in shame as I slink down onto the ground and doodle in the snow with my finger. I can’t bring myself to look at her. I’ve done nothing but put her in danger.

“Are you even listening?” she shouts, impatient.

I jolt my head up, “Of course I am,” I whisper, “I just don’t know what to say.”

“How about ‘I’m sorry, Yugao’?”

“I’m sorry, Yugao,” I say looking back down at the snow.

“I guess I shouldn’t even bother asking what’s wrong?” she prods.

“Not really…”

“Then let’s get one thing straight, ok Tenzou? You either get your head out of the snow or the next time I’m leaving you here. You got it?”

“Got it,” I say firmly.

No more mistakes. I can’t continue like this. I’m an ANBU after all, and ANBU don’t let their emotions take control. ANBU don’t let their personal lives interfere with their work. ANBU don’t feel pain.

“Let’s finish this and go home,” I say, standing.

We dart back into the trees, headed the way we just came.

I have a renewed vigor, and I’m positive I won’t let her down this time.

.

As the village gates come into view, I am greeted by a familiar face, and my body immediately stiffens.

“Hey! Kakashi-senpai!” Yugao waves at him.

“Yo,” he says leaning against a wooden column, his hands still in his pockets.

Our eyes meet, and I look away with a quiet, “hmph.”

“What brings you to meet us here?” Yugao smiles.

“Well, actually, I have some business here with Tenzou if you don’t mind me borrowing him for a bit?” he smirks his same smirk, and I lose my breath. I can’t believe he still has such a hold over me, even now.

“He’s all yours,” she says, slapping me on the back, “take him before he starts daydreaming again.”

“Yugao!” I grit my teeth.

“Oh?” Kakashi raises an eyebrow, “daydreaming, huh?”

“No! I have not been daydreaming!” I shout.

“Yea right, and I’m the Hokage,” Yugao scoffs, “I’ll leave him to you then,” she says as she disappears into the snow-laden street behind us.

The silence in the air is deafening and I can feel my heart beat faster as the seconds go by. I shuffle uncomfortably on my feet and start planning exit strategies in my head. All it would take is a little substitute jutsu and-

“How long has it been?” he asks, looking up at the sky, the snow falling to his face. He closes his eye.

I can see snowflakes disappearing into his mask and I do everything I can to stop the smile forming at the corners of my lips. I had almost forgotten how handsome he was, even with his mask… almost.

He opens his eye and turns to look at me.

“Couldn’t say… maybe a couple months?” I look down and kick a rock on the ground.

“Say Tenzou…”

“Hmm?” I look up to meet his gaze.

“I can't say it’s been easy for me.”

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“You. The distance. All of it.”

I stand there, unsure of what to say, my body shivering from the snow falling on my hair. I look up at the sky trying to figure out if he saw some magic signal that I didn’t see all those times I’ve look up there. I sigh as the breeze hits my face.

“At times I find myself still walking towards your house, just out of habit, and I get so angry at myself,” he continues, “I keep going over what happened in my head, but somehow I can’t get your face out of my mind. It’s like it’s haunting me.”

A tear falls from my eye as I listen to what he’s saying. He sighs as he walks over towards me. Reaching a hand up, he wipes the tear from my face, ignoring the fact that I’m covered in dirt and probably have leaves in places I don’t even want to imagine. What a sight I must be.

“I don’t think I understand, Senpai,” I whisper.

“No, I don’t imagine you would,” he breathes.

I stare into his dark eyes, searching for meaning in his words, but he turns his head, pretending to be distracted by something in the distance.

“Why don’t you explain it to me then?” I ask, impatient.

“After my father died, I struggled with the rules and what it meant to be a shinobi. Everyone always treated me like I was a walking, festering wound that would explode on them if they got too close, so I’ve always felt out of place…”

He turns back to look at me.

“But then I met you,” he smiles softly, “and I saw myself in your big, dark, doe eyes. I thought that if I could save you, I could save myself…” he trails off. 

“I’m not some lost puppy that you need to try to fix!” I interrupt.

He holds his hand up in front of my face, cutting me off, “…but then one day I realized it wasn’t me who was doing the saving at all… it was you.”

“I haven't done anything!" I shout.

"You have. I just wish it didn't take losing you for me to figure it out... i'm so sorry," he says, his eyes glistening from the tears he's trying desperately to hold back.

"If you had just left me alone then none of this would have happened! I never would have felt this way!” I continue, tears falling down my cheeks, melting in the snow as they hit the ground.

Kakashi's expression remains soft as he reaches up and grabs my chin. “Felt what way?” he breathes, tilting my head upwards, lighting my skin on fire with every word.

"It doesn't matter."

"It matters to me."

“I can’t…” I plead.

“Tenzou..."

“I…” I rasp, the words getting caught in my throat.

Kakashi gently pushes me back against the wooden frame of the gates. He places one arm against the wall above my head, grabbing the front of my vest with the other.

I close my eyes and try to focus on my breathing, but all I can feel is the warmth of his body. The way his breath tastes on my lips. The way the stars dance across the sky every time he says my name.

I reach my hand up and gently slide it across his forehead protector, or in his case, his sharingan protector.

He closes his eye, and gently sliding his headband up, exposes his scar for me to see.

I jerk my hand back afraid I might hurt him.

"It's ok," he says, grabbing my hand and placing it over his scar, "It hasn't hurt in a while," he smiles.

"Why is that?" I ask, trembling.

He looks into my eyes, and it's as if I can see everything I ever lost come back to me. 

"I told you," he says, "It's because I met you."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry for the long lull in chapters. I've had a lot of family and work stuff going on and haven't had much time to write. This chapter is a little shorter than some of the others, but I figured you wouldn't mind too much ;)
> 
> This chapter is from Kakashi's pov, so I hope you like it.

* * *

 

Even if I was damaged a thousand more times… it wouldn’t matter.

 

_“Senpai!” Tenzou giggles, eyes lighting up as I walk into the room._

_“Hm?” I cock my head to the side, studying him inquisitively._

_“I just found out we’re going to be a team starting today,” he looks down, peeking up at me with rose-colored cheeks._

_“Oh? Is that so? Well, that’s great news then,” I say as I pat my hand on his head, ruffling his hair._

_Tenzou giggles, “Come on Senpai, stop that.”_

_“Sorry, sorry,” I hold my hands in the air, “old habits die hard,” I smirk. “Forgive me?”_

_“Always,” he smiles._

 

...because he'd be there.

 

I jolt awake, sweat rolling down my face. I look over to the clock hanging on the wall - 3:02 a.m. I’m not supposed to be up for another 2 hours. I roll over on my side and squeeze my eyes shut.

_“Senpai,” Tenzou smiles._

I sigh. Guess I’m getting up early today. Lately my dreams have been about nothing but Tenzou, and honestly the amount of sleep i'm losing over them is getting pretty embarrassing. I sit up, rubbing my temples, and begrudgingly get out of bed. I get ready for the day and make my way out the door.

The village is still asleep, and if I’m being completely honest this is my favorite way to see the village. No lights, no sounds, just the wind and the stars to light the paths. Everyone should see it this way. 

I ghost onto the main street of the village and stand looking up at the Hokage’s office looming in front of me. How dreadful that job has to be. I’ll be damned if they ever get me in there. It’ll be a cold day in hell when that happens.

A slight breeze picks up and carries an all too familiar scent my way. I tilt my nose in the air, breathing in sandalwood and sap. I turn, and head towards the direction it came from. It’s dark, but it’s not hard to make out the silhouette of a person sitting on the rooftop. His hair rustling in the wind, the moonlight curling around each strand captivating and entrancing anyone who dares to look for too long. 

I jump up onto the roof and squat beside him. Even in the darkness I can see that smile bright as day. We sit in comfortable silence for a while, taking in all the sights and sounds of the village.

“Couldn’t sleep either, Senpai?”

“Mm,” I shrug.

“I love seeing the village like this. It’s so peaceful,” Tenzou smiles.

I look away, forcing myself not to smile too big for him to notice.

“I like it this way too,” I say quietly.

“Say, Senpai, how did you know I was up here?”

I blush. I’ve never been so thankful for darkness in my life.

“I was just taking a walk and happened to pass by,” I mutter, looking down at the rooftop.

Tenzou studies me inquisitively before chuckling quietly to himself. I turn back to look at him, cocking my head to the side.

“What?” I ask. 

“Nothing,” he chuckles, “I’m just glad you found me.” 

My breathing hitches, forcing me to clear my throat. Like hell I could ever tell this idiot that I could find him anywhere just from his scent. God, how horribly embarrassing that would be.

I’m not even entirely sure what our relationship is at this point. That’s not to say that we don’t care about each other, but I find it increasingly more difficult each day to stay away from him. Somehow or another we just gravitate towards each other without even realizing it, and that intrigues me. Why does that happen? Why do I feel like I’m a better person for having him here? Does he feel the same way? Or is it weird to think this way because we’re both men? 

There are so many questions I want to ask him, but the more I think about it the more I realize the negative implications of them mean I never can. I value him as a subordinate, and I value him as a friend. I could never mess that up based on my own weird perversions.

I feel my heart drop into the pit of my stomach at that realization, and I clutch my chest in response.

“Something wrong, Senpai?” Tenzou asks, concerned.

I look up at his big, round doe eyes and smile, “nothing at all.”

As I look at him, I can’t help but think this wasn’t a coincidence that we ran into each other tonight. It’s made me wonder if perhaps my feelings for my kouhai go a little bit deeper than just teacher/subordinate. But as the sun peeks up over the horizon, and as the villagers start to creep out from their houses one by one, I remember that the life of a shinobi is fleeting. One wrong move in the field and that’s the end. It’s hard enough trying to keep yourself and your team alive as is, but to add someone else to the mix would only bring chaos. And with Tenzou, I’ve never had to worry about him being on his own before. He’s just as capable a shinobi as I am, maybe even more so, and it would be an insult to us both if I were to think otherwise.

I sigh as I stand up from the rooftop.

“Time for your mission?” Tenzou asks, still looking ahead at the rising sun.

“Mm,” I hum, nodding my head.

“Go easy on them out there, Senpai,” he chuckles.

“No promises,” I smirk, looking down at my kouhai, his brown hair tousling in the wind.

I’ve never worried about whether I would come back from a mission before, but as I sprinted across the rooftops of the village, heading towards the gates, I couldn’t help but think to myself that I want to come back to him, that no matter where I was that familiar smell of sandalwood and sap would bring me home again.

And for now that’s all the reason I need.


End file.
